An Imagined Conversation Between Me and My Dog, if Dogs Could Talk (Which They Cannot)

Me: What?

Her: Let’s play. I wanna play. See?

Me: Okay, but where’s the squirrel?

Her: I don’t want the squirrel. I want to play with the bully stick I have in my mouth.

Me: Yeah, but that’s like 3 inches long, and all slobbery. I can’t do anything with that.

Her: Yeah, but I want to play.

Me: Okay, here’s the squirrel. Drop the stick.

Her: No.

Me: Don’t you want to play?

Her: Yes.

Me: Want to play with the squirrel?

Her: No, just you and the stick.

Me: What if I hit you in the face with the squirrel like this:

Her: That does nothing for me. Did you see this stick?

Me: I’ve got stuff to do.

Her: Me too. I’m going to lie down here with the stick. Did you see this stick?

Me: I need coffee.