I called it first….

It’s been a while since I’ve felt normal. At the beginning of December, I felt tired an nauseous, and though I suspected I might be pregnant, it was too early to tell. When I first missed my period, I started doing home pregnancy tests, and they came out negative. Three of them, spread out over the course of two weeks. My husband started teasing me. If I so much as said, “I’ll be right back,” he would ask if I was ducking out to do another test. He looked into EPT stock. He kept telling me that there was no way I was pregnant.

But my body was sending different signals. I was hungry all the time. Sure, it was the holiday season and tasty treats abounded, but why could I no longer resist the temptation? I’d been on a strict “no fat” diet since the summer and had lost 12 pounds. I hadn’t really missed butter or cheese or ice cream. Even the call of chocolate, my dark master, no longer drew me. But once the holidays hit, I couldn’t help myself.

When my period was more than two weeks late, I called the doctor to schedule a blood test, reportedly the definitive factor. No more fooling around with peeing on a stick, I wanted a real answer. The day after the blood test, the doctor called. It was negative. She told me it was probably normal to miss a period, after all, I’m 40, and that’s going to start happening more often in the coming years.

I began to worry that something else might be wrong with me. My mother had died of ovarian cancer at age 35. Could something hideous and too imaginable be happening inside me? My husband helped to curb my tendency toward hyperbole, reminding me that it was probably just a normal occurence. Perhaps the stress of the holidays was messing with my system, he said.

So, the holidays passed. On New Year’s Eve we got a sitter for our two other kids and went to the symphony. It reminded me of when I was pregnant with my first baby. When I was five months along we went to the symphony for New Year’s Eve, and the baby went crazy inside me, kicking up his heels throughout the performance. My husband and I laughed at the memory. After the show we went out to dinner, and I closed out the year with an incredible dessert: white chocolate gnache wrapped around a delicious carmel center, all covered with a delicate layer of hard dark chocolate, drizzled with white chocolate and raspberry sauce. I vowed to return to my diet the next day.

And I did….for the most part. I slowed down on the between-meal snacks. I stuck to healthier choices, but when I stepped on the scale, the weight continued to mount back on. I had put back all twelve pounds and was very disturbed by that fact. Then, on Tuesday, I was passing a mirror in my bedroom, and I caught a glimpse of my profile. My belly was sticking out, and I thought, “Oh, my God, I look pregnant!” I went to the bathroom immediately and tried another home test. It was positive. The next day I had a blood test, and that confirmed that we are expecting baby number three.

I have no idea how pregnant I am. Could be eight weeks, maybe less. I suspect I will find out on Wednesday when I go see the doc. We are excited, kind of like when you ride a roller coaster. It scares the hell out of you, but you are thrilled just the same.

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