World History According to Nick Jr.Posted: November 7, 2008
The “GREATEST EXPLORER OF ALL TIME”, according to the network that brought us Spongebob Squarepants, is (drumroll, please?) Dora the Explorer. (Dora, probably the second highest-grossing marketing commodity under Spongebob for Nick’s parent company, Viacom.)
So, to go over our history lesson, according to Nick (and I can just see a number of this generation’s kids being tested on this in years to come, answering “Dora”) the following explorers are ranked as such:
Christopher Columbus? A phony.
Marco Polo? A pansy.
Magellan? A pretender.
Robert Peary? A nobody.
Ponce De Leon? A-hole.
But Dora, with all her destinations a mere three stops away (which the Map has to remind her of a dozen times from point A to point D), she’s the greatest explorer of all time.