Yo ho, Ho.

I just read that Johnny Depp is getting 55.8 MILLION DOLLARS to do Pirates of the Caribbean 4.

Fifty-five million, eight hundred thousand dollars.

$55,800,000.  I think that figure is somewhere around my city’s annual operating budget.

I’m not saying he’s not worth that much.  I’m just saying no one is.

 

And they will probably get the script out of a Cracker Jack box, or more likely, somebody’s orifice.

 

 

You wear too much eye make-up.  My sister wears too much...People think shes a whore.

You wear too much eye make-up. My sister wears too much...People think she's a whore.


What’s Wrong With John Cusack?

I’m a lady of a certain age, so you know I have a fondness for John Cusack.  I’m not saying I need him to be Lloyd Dobler every time, heck I don’t even think that was his greatest role, but I would like to know — who is guiding this man’s career? Does he not typically read a script before he signs on?  Sometimes I think he must just want to work with certain people and signs on before there’s a script.  How else could one explain America’s Sweethearts?  Here’s a bit of career advice for John (and any actor for that matter) and by the way, this is for free: never sign on to do any script in which there is a bit where a dog humps someone’s leg.  I don’t care if it’s Billy Crystal’s leg, hell I don’t care if Scorsese is directing.  I don’t care if it’s Scorsese’s leg. Never take a part in a film that calls for a dog to hump someone’s leg anywhere in the script. Maybe that scene was ad-libbed. Perhaps it wasn’t in the script.  I can give you the benefit of the doubt. If that was case, my advice would be, on the day that the scene is filmed, and every day thereafter….refuse to come out of your trailer. In fact, I would put that stipulation as a rider in any contract I sign.  If a dog humps a leg, I don’t have to come out of my trailer.

To be fair, while America’s Sweethearts is a crappy movie, you can tell Cusack is working really hard there with what he’s got. It does show.  And I think the same would be said for Must Love Dogs, which, let’s face it…woof. (It was a mediocre book.  Somewhat interesting adding the computer element as well as the man’s perspective, but overall, dogs come and go for no reason – much like Christopher Plummer’s Irish brogue, Diane Lane’s got too many siblings and not enough for them to do, she comes off like some kind of PMS-bitch, oh, it’s a mess.)

I say this out of love, really. Heck, I am a person who saw Pushing Tin on opening weekend. I think there’s potential there, but he’s not utilizing it in films like The Martian Child.  I figured this past weekend, I would take Edison to see Igor. And this is actually why I am writing this piece. I still haven’t seen Igor, because the reviews kept me away. I know I shouldn’t feel sorry for Cusack, he’s doing alright, but the man can’t even pick an animated movie.  His sister was Jesse in Toy Story 2!  He did Anastasia.  Where’s his Toy Story 2?  I have faith that John Cusack will have a Toy Story 2 in his career.  I don’t know why I have this faith.  He turned down Bill Paxton’s part in Apollo 13, but around that same period, he did make Bullets Over Broadway, so…

So, I figured, I would put his movies into four catagories:

I actually used to work for a guy just like Rob in a store just like Championship Vinyl.

I actually used to work for a guy just like Rob in a store just like Championship Vinyl.

CLASSIC CUSACK

Say Anything

Grosse Point Blank

High Fidelity

The Grifters

Eight Men Out

Bullets Over Broadway

Being John Malkovich

The Sure Thing

Better Off Dead

CRAPPY CUSACK

America’s Sweethearts

Must Love Dogs

The Martian Child

The Ice Harvest

Serendipity

Anastasia

Con Air (though good for some laughs, especially Nick Cage’s hairpiece)

Hang on, a better script is coming.

Hang on, a better script is coming.

GREAT ROLES,

SMALL PARTS

Cradle Will Rock

Map of the Human Heart

Stand By Me

Sixteen Candles

Bob Roberts

Roadside Prophets

Shadows and Fog

ON THE FENCE (NOTHING ELSE TO WATCH ON A RAINY SUNDAY AFTERNOON, AND I MIGHT NOT WATCH THE WHOLE THING)

Identity

Fat Man and Little Boy

Runaway Jury

Max

Pushing Tin

The Jack Bull

The Thin Red Line

Midnight In The Garden of Good And Evil

City Hall

The Road to Wellville

By the way, I have not seen 1408, War Inc., or Grace is Gone yet, so I can’t really put those in any of these catagories. Also, to be fair, I don’t remember much of Money For Nothing, which I think I watched at the video store where I used to work,(a different job than the record store, but still had the feel of Championship Vinyl, only in a video kind of way, let’s say Championship Video), while I was working, so I can’t really form a solid opinion of that one.  And I am also going to leave off some early roles, like Tapeheads and The Journey of Natty Gann because I think they are kind of dated and don’t really want to comment on them.  Plus, there’s The Contract, with Morgan Freeman, which I think was straight-to-DVD. Ouch.

But I think that’s a fairly reasonable assessment of his career.  There were a few that could go into different categories, perhaps, depending on your personal taste.  This is just my opinion. He’s got some good ones in there, and you have to give the man credit for not over-reaching, doing something like Troy, where he’d have to do an accent and run around with his shirt off.  I doubt he was offered Troy, but I have faith that if he had been, he’d know better.  Though based on his choices lately, that faith may be a blind one.

Update: 11/20/09 — I did try to watch War Inc. by the way.  Couldn’t get through it.  I had high hopes, but ultimately found it contrived.  Cusack is currently filming one called 2012, which Roland Emmerich is directing.  I saw a teaser trailer for it last night when we went to see the new Bond. Doesn’t look promising, I have to say.  Looks like a big budget disaster movie with more effects than believable dialog.

Here you go.  Based on the script of this trailer, I think I can prove my point:



David Foster Wallace is Dead

One of Manfrengensen’s favorite authors, David Foster Wallace was one of our generation’s most brilliant writers.  His wife found his body Friday night, an apparent suicide.

Years ago, when Manfrengensen had quit his job at the TVGuide, he spent two weeks on the couch reading Wallace’s quintessential work, Infinite Jest.  His copious laughter still rings in my ears.

NY Times Obit


Nice purse, but let’s discuss that ‘stache.

Hey, RDJ.  Nice European men’s carry-all.  My inner-jury is out on whether I mean that in an Eddie Haskell kind of way.

Robert Downey, Jr. in NYC

Robert Downey, Jr. in NYC


Too Much Info

And, when I use the term “info” that’s loosely.  This week, I noticed that Us Magazine lists, in it’s weekly birthday section, the birthdays of celebrity children.  For example, this week, Maddox Jolie-Pitt turned seven, and Rocco Ritchie has a birthday as well.  Do we really care about that???

Stupidity reigns supreme, though I shouldn’t really complain.  I was reading Us, afterall.


And the Award Goes To…

Isobel Stevens/Katherine HeiglGrey’s Anatomy‘s Katherine Heigl for having the guts to call it like she saw it. Ms. Heigl withdrew her name from consideration for this year’s Emmy Awards, because she felt the material that was written for her character, Izzy Stevens was not good enough.

Read the story here: Heigl Shuns Emmys

Good for her!  She’s so right.  The plot line for her character was awful this season.  The writers and producers took her down a path that was so wrong that it was almost insulting to viewers. I guess it started last season, but after a fight with his wife, George O’Malley got drunk with Izzy and they slept together.  Then this season, based on their vague memories of an “amazing” sexual experience, he decided to leave his wife to pursue a relationship with Izzy, which totally didn’t work out.  The two of them spent weeks trying to make an awkward love affair work, and it was awful to watch.  It made me cringe, and in fact, I stopped watching until the season finale.

Heigl herself said in a recent interview that she felt the affair was nothing more than a “ratings ploy.”  I also felt like when the producers realized the viewers thought the relationship was wrong, then they abandoned the story.  How are we, as viewers, supposed to invest in these stories and relationships that go nowhere? (More below)

And other than that, what did Izzy have to do this season?  After rolling around unsuccessfully with George, biting her lip and trying to avoid his wife for a few episodes, she was basically relegated to a background character, standing around with a clip board and working between the real action of Meredith/Derek and George/Lexi.

Izzy’s an interesting character.  She worked her way through med school by modeling, she’s got an illigitimate daughter that she’s never seen, but the writers don’t work with that.  Instead, they use the sex and throw her in bed with George.

Private PracticeSome have speculated that Heigl may actually be working to find a way out of her contract with the show, another smart move, if you ask me.  Shondaland seems like it must be the cattiest place in the world to work. The show itself is super-chicky, to the point that the men are plastic and one-dimensional, mere eye candy, and this fall’s Private Practice looks like it’s going to be even worse in that department.  Anyway, the writing In Shondaland is so…whatever the opposite of misogynistic is..that I could swear in Season Two of Grey’s that the writers were just trying to find ways to make male genitalia suffer.  Sometimes it seemed like they made up conditions just to be able to use the word “penis” on the air.  It was all very Elaina Bobbitt.

But back to the chicky nature of Shondaland.  I still don’t understand why Isaiah Washington had to leave the show.  Yes, he said a stupid and regrettable thing.  Yes, he brought it up again at the Emmys, again, stupid and regrettable, but he apologized. He tried to make amends.  He went to counseling, did his service, jumped through all the hoops the media or whoever demanded he jump through, and then, he was fired in the end.

Think about it — again, yes, what he said was stupid and regrettable, but if we fired everyone who said something stupid or regrettable in their work place, wouldn’t the economy collapse?

And really, I don’t care about any of that as a viewer of the show.  As far as I can see, those in Shondaland should have been jumping for joy over the attention all the controversy brought to the show, but instead, they held a grudge, and wrote him out.

And that sucked.  Because as a viewer, I spent three freaking seasons rooting for Burke to win Christina, to get her to open up to him and give him the love he deserved for being so patient with her crazy shit.  So then what happened?  I the shocking season 3 finale, he left her at the altar.  Didn’t make any sense at all, given the story arc of the show, and as a viewer with the kind of emotional investment I just described, I felt like we’d all gotten the shaft.  The whole thing was completely unprofessional.  No respect for the viewers at all.

So any way, my hat’s off to Katherine Heigl.  I know ultimately, these things don’t matter, but I still respect her for respecting herself and her craft.

 

I am officially finished with this show.

 

 


Harrison Ford is All-Man

He’s got this new PSA for Conservation.org

Ouch.  I don’t really see what the stunt has to do with the rain forest, but if it gets people clicking the site and learning about the issue, it’s a good thing.


Shower Day 1

Okay, we have begun a remodel of our master bath shower stall.  When we moved in four years ago, we redid all the bathrooms and the kitchen.  The shower tile in the master bath wasCarol Brady shower this Carol-Brady-straight-from-the-seventies olive green, like split-pea-soup green, gross green, had-to-go-immediately green, but the cost of tile at the time, in addition to all the other expenses we were incurring, made my head spin.  We had a budget, a number Manfrengensen had given me to spend, and of course, I was exceeding it by leaps and bounds.

So, when it came to the tile, I skimped.  Instead of replacing the tile, I had it painted with an acrylic enamel, a nice white finish that at first looked nice and clean.  But it didn’t stay that way.  It needed a lot of upkeep if I wanted to keep using gentle cleaners, but I had kids, and I wasn’t always able to clean it frequently enough.  It got stained.  I tried to use cleaners with bleach, and it chipped.  And chipped, until I couldn’t stand that Carol Brady color peeking at me through the floors and walls any longer.

A few weeks ago, I got the tile guy in here. His name is Darius.  He’s from Poland.  Nice guy, though with the language barrier, a little hard to read.  On the phone, there are lots of kind of awkward silences, and he leaves me with the feeling that I’m getting on his nerves.  Like he’s shower with enamelpulling a “Costnanza.” You know that episode of Seinfeld where George tries to make everyone think he’s busy by acting annoyed when interrupted?  That’s Darius on the phone. He’s probably not as aloof as I take him. In fact, the silences are probably just the moments he takes to translate my English into the Polish of his mind. He’s presents as a person of few words, and I do not. In fact, I often go too far in the other direction, especially when there are awkward silences, especially when I am trying to determine whether my point is being taken, and then even when I know it is, I tend to press further.  Something Manfrengen loves to needle me about.  And who can blame him?  Also in person, when Darius and I are discussing something, and he smiles, I don’t get the feeling I’ve amused him as much as he is thinking, Silly American Girl.

But he’s nice, and I trust him.  He works a lot for my dad, who specializes in historic reconstruction.  My house is old, built in the late 19th Century. Before we moved in, it was last renovated in the Seventies, hence the Carol-Brady olive.  The door to the shower is small, with two 8-inch walls on either side of it.  The walls are also decorated with beadboard on the bottom half.

So, after Darius had been here, measured, and given us his quote, which was so reasonable that I questioned why we hadn’t done real tile in the first place, I got it in my mind to mess with the universe.  I got to thinking…what if we opened up the entrance to the shower?  What if we took off those 16-inches of wall on either side, and made that all glass shower door?  Darius was hesitant.  He could do it, he said, but “better if you get carpenter.”  Better? How better? I asked, what did he mean better?  “Just better,” was his cryptic answer.

He got here this morning to tear out the old shower.  Five minutes later, he came downstairs to tell me I needed a carpenter.  The walls have too much carpentry work on them, and he fears collateral damage.  I understand.  It puts my shower project back a week with scheduling the carpenter, and I’m disappointed.  But I understand.

 

A Brush With Celebrity

Manfrengensen and I just got back from four days in Palm Beach, which were fabulous.  The ocean was so clear, I could see my feet.  Saturday the waves were too calm, so calm it was like swimming in a lake, but other than that, everything was fabulous.  We got the sun.  My skin is the color I like it to be, which means that it is browner than my winter look.  My winter skin is something near the color of a newborn rodent.

We also got an upgrade to the concierge level, which was awesome.  All day long they serve treats in the common area.  There are drinks and water and everything.  One day when we were coming from the beach, there was a woman talking to the concierge at his desk. She was small, and even without make-up, or minimal make-up, she was beautiful, glamourous, sparkly. After she got on the elevator, I said to Manfrengensen, “Was that Susan Lucci?”  almostSusan Lucci Red Cross as a joke.  It couldn’t be she, after all.  But the concierge chimed in from across the room (how he had heard me was amazing, like he must have spidey-senses or something), “YES! It was Susan Lucci.  She stays here all the time.”

So, how about that?  Susan Lucci.  And then she was everywhere.  She seemed really nice.  She spoke so sweetly to the concierge, like they were old friends.  I don’t know how old she is, but let me tell you — she looked good for any age.

Funny thing — so, yesterday, I was sitting alone behind the concierge having breakfast.  Manfrengensen was sleeping in the room, and I didn’t want to disturb him.  So, you know how celebrities use pseudonyms at hotels, I guess so their fans or paparazzi won’t disturb them?  Well, Ms. Lucci was speaking to the concierge, and then she got on the elevator and disappeared.  He got on the phone to order her a private cabana for the day.  He said in his French accent, “I know you don’t usually take reservations, but this is for Madame Vuvent.”  (or whatever her alias was, I overheard to some extent, but unlike the concierge, I don’t have the spidey senses)  The person on the other end of the phone must have asked, “Who?”  So he repeated the alias name.  Again, nothing on the other end, so he said, “Susan Lucci!”  Oh, oh, the other person must have said, okay then.

I don’t know, I just thought that was kind of funny.