Get a room….

….at the Ritz! Enough of the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes love-fest, it’s making me sick. Besides, it’s so mushy, it’s like phonier than Mariah Carey’s breasts.

Rough day…

Let me just say this — what the hell has happened to corporate America? Didn’t they used to say that the customer was always right? Didn’t they used to need our business? Today, I had a disagreement with a customer service rep on the phone, and when I told her that a competitor was willing to meet my terms, and that I should perhaps favor the competitor with my business, her response was, “That’s your prerogative, m’am.” In other words, I shouldn’t let the door hit me in the ass! What is that? This woman made me feel like we should farm out even more of our customer service jobs to Bombay.

And another thing, while I’m talking about business: which corporate weasel thought up the idea that companies should start “clubs” for their “special” customers? It seems like every store I go into now offers me a “membership” in their special club, where I’m entitled to “discounts” after paying the annual fee. I don’t get it. I’m expected to pay a company so that I can give them my loyal business? I’m gonna pay $25 a year so I can get 30 cents off my latte? Think right, and get real!

I feel like they’re trying to give me “the business” if you know what I mean. I swear, the whole world’s gone mad. It’s all about selling…and apparently, if I don’t buy the way they sell, they can find other schmucks who will.

Hmmm

Here is yet another sign that this country is asleep. We say that we support our troops and all that crap, but how can that be true, when the top headline in my local paper, across all six columns (a paper owned by the USA Today company, Gannett) is “Cut your time to the beach in half…maybe”, and below that, is a ONE COLUMN piece, barely peeking over the fold, about the war in Iraq with a two centimeter sidebar noting that 18 soldiers have been killed in the last week? No mention of the fact that the deathtoll for soldiers alone is quickly approaching 1700.

And Bill Maher is being called a “traitor” for a joke about the sad state of army recruitment? If you could hear me, I’d be stuttering this line but, I-I-I-I just don’t understand what’s going on in this country any more.

Here’s another thing — why don’t the people who are closest to certain subjects understand their own business? For example, there have been all these stories recently about how Hollywood is wringing its hands about poor box-office sales this year. Oh, why is this happening? Is it because of the proliferation of DVDs and improved technology for the home theater? NO, you bozos, it’s because movies SUCK. People have caught on to the fact that almost all of the generated hype about movies is complete crap. A movie has got to get good word of mouth or it’s going to tank. The way society has been narrowing its focus, there are fewer and fewer things to do outside the home — think date night. How many options are there on most nights? I can’t tell you how many times my husband and I have hired a sitter hoping to go to a movie and there has been nothing pulling us to the theater. We end up going to Barnes and Noble instead.

And don’t even get me started about how the clueless the Democratic Party is…..

And another thing, while I’m ranting. I know you think I’m this all-out liberal, but sometimes I read the web blogs or sites of other liberals, and I think okay, I’m not that crazy. There’s this movement now to ban the sale of M-rated video games to minors. Okay, yes, minors should not be playing “Grand Theft Auto” or “Halo” but isn’t it the responsiblity of parents to keep their kids from buying the games? I mean, 8-year-old Jr. isn’t getting that fifty bucks from the wind. Get involved people! Take the video game system into the “family” room, that’s a great way to keep an eye on what your kids are up to. Sure, you may not be able to watch American Idol, The Apprentice or CSI:Louisville, but hey — that’s what TIVO is for.

MOVIE LINE OF THE DAY:
(from Bullets Over Broadway)
DAVID SHAYNE: You know what? I’m feeling a bit unstable, so I’m going to go now, and check into a sanitarium, and get the help that I need, and we’ll talk later, ’cause it’s been good….hasn’t it?

Kodak Moment

Today my husband picked up the five-year-old from school, and when they came through the door, the little one dropped everything, screamed “JAKE! HI!” and ran over to hug his brother tightly. I think it was just about the cutest thing I have ever seen.

They have been forming a kind of alliance, all their lives, but I’ve especially noticed it over the last few weeks. The little one is totally under my feet when his brother is at school. It’s then that he feels like a baby to me, always coming over to be held and cuddled. I love it. (He’s a pretty busy kid, not a lot of time for affection. Today he spent a half hour dragging laundry from the laundry room and trying to stuff it into his trucks. I didn’t say anything, but it’s really hard to stuff a queen-size sheet into a Little People school bus. He did his best though.) When his brother gets home, he no longer clings to me. I’m just the person who fills the sippy cups and kisses the boo-boos. The two of them are off in their own world, playing and sharing lots of laughs. Not that there’s never a disagreement, but it’s so great that they are close.

I actually do join in the fun a bit too. Today we played Elefun for almost an hour. That’s a game where a fan inside a plastic elephant blows these little tissue paper “butterflies” into the air through its trunk, and you try to catch them in a little butterfly net. It’s kind of fun, even though the butterflies don’t fly out of the trunk like they do in the TV ad for the game. It’s mostly fun just hearing them laugh.

We just completed renovating our yard with a new patio and improved landscaping. I love it; it’s fabulous; I can’t wait for it to stop raining so I can spend some time there. In between rain showers, I have been out there planting flowers (mostly impatients….my signiature flower, for good reason). Stepping on new sod is kind of like stepping on a toupe, I imagine….

My husband came up with a really good line about “National Treasure”. He calls it “The DaVinci Commode”.

Love that guy.

MOVIE LINE OF THE DAY:
(from “Throw Mama From the Train”)
OWEN: [ After their car has gone off the road, and it’s going through a bunch of bushes.) This is good. It’s like the Flintstones car wash!

The best part was Nick Cage’s hairpiece….

We watched “National Treasure” on Friday night. It reminded us of Bo Catlett’s line in “Get Shorty”: “I’ve seen better film on teeth!” The story was so far-fetched, the script was awful, the “comic relief” character was the most annoying thing in the world, and Nick and the love interest had less chemistry than I did in high school. (And believe me — that’s saying something!) They were kind of going for a “DaVinci Code” kind of mystery, every clue leads to another clue, etc. but it was totally anachronistic, plus the film had no sense of time. One night they’re in Dc, next thing you know, it’s an afternoon in Philadelphia, no wait, now they are in New York, oh, and in the end they go to Boston. The best part was how Nick Cage had lots of different hairpieces, one for serious guy, one if the wind was blowing a certain way, etc, etc, etc. We had a lot of laughs, though I don’t think that’s what the writers or director intended.

By the way, I heard the song of the day in the restroom while I was out to dinner on Friday, and I can’t shake it….I’m not proud, it’s just there.

Went to the beach for an overnight this weekend. On the way, the five-year-old started asking “are we almost there?” He has this theory about a trip being broken up into tenths. I don’t know what his concept of “tenths” is, but when we told him we were about half-way there, he said, “Do you mean five/tenths?” We were kind of blown away there.

In other news, the little one slept in a bed for the first time this weekend. He did pretty well, though that was just at the beach, so he was glad to come home to his crib. The funny thing was that when I went into their room at 5:30 this morning (the older one was calling me because “the sun is up”) the little one was sleeping perpendicularly to the headboard with his little butt in the air. It was really cute.

In other entertainment news, I really liked “Revenge of the Sith.” Looking forward to seeing it again sometime.

I’m a little sad that the season of Deadwood is over. It was a good one….though I can’t wait to see who Garret Dillahut will be recast as next season.

MOVIE LINE OF THE DAY:
(from The Incredibles)

HONEY BEST: ‘Greater good?’ I am your wife! I’m the greatest *good* you are ever gonna get!

My dogs are barking!

I have reached the inevitable point of pregnancy when the feet swell by six every evening. My toes look like nesting dolls.

Actually heard this word used as an adjective on Entertainment Tonight: Oprah-licious. As in, “The festivities this evening were Oprah-licious!”

Someone, please, give me the gas pipe….

MOVIE LINE OF THE DAY:
(Fargo)
Mike: So, you went and married old Norm “Son-of-a-Gunderson.”

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?

Just got back from a stress-relieving trip to Florida. The hotel was beautiful, and because there was a lawyers convention there, we got a free upgrade to the club level, so there were snacks and drinks available all day, plus, they served continental breakfast and afternoon tea! They gave us a room on the top floor, overlooking the ocean. We spent most of the time on the beach or by the pool, and I got a great “pregnancy massage” at the spa.

We had some funny things happen too. Sunday night we were out at a restaurant, and I went to the ladies room. But when I opened the door, there was a man standing there, arranging napkins, as the restaurant was using extra space in the room for storage. I said, “Am I in the right place?” And he said, “Yeah,” at which point I realized “he” was a woman. A very large manly woman….oops.

Went to see the Orlando Bloom vehicle, “Kingdom of Heaven.” My review: Three hours of hell. I don’t think I need to see anymore bone-crunching battle-axe decapitation dipictions of primative war. I’ve seen enough, I get the picture. Plus the “love” story was so stupid and just plopped in there so the ladies wouldn’t feel left out. I hated Gladiator, and this was just as bad. I needed an Orlando Broom….

The kids had a great time with their grandparents, who took them to an amusement park and to play miniature golf. One morning, I called to say hi (I missed them), and I asked the four-year-old what he was doing. His answer: eating M&M cookies. It was NINE O’CLOCK in the morning!!!!! Needless to say, Gram’s a little more loose with the nutritional content of breakfast than I am.

Good to be back, though Florida now seems a million miles away.

MOVIE LINES OF THE DAY:
(from Plains Trains and Automobiles)

Neal: Del, why did you kiss my ear?
Del: Why are you holding my hand?
Neal: Where’s your other hand?
Del: Between two pillows.
Neal: Those aren’t pillows!!!

My kid has all the toys in the world….

but still, he prefers spending hours with the salad spinner.

MOVIE LINE OF THE DAY
(Fast Times at Ridgemont High)

Spicolli: All I need are some tastey waves, a cool buzz and I’m fine.

Hey!

Long time, no write. I’ve been busy and feeling kind of private, actually…..

But I had to tell you that the other night, there was a movie on the Sci-Fi channel called “MANSQUITO”.
I didn’t watch it, or even look for the production values. My guess though is that it was some kind of rehashing of “The Fly” idea. But you can imagine your own plot. Pretty funny, I think.

MOVIE LINE OF THE DAY
(Again from Intolerable Cruelty, but hey, I love this line….)

Wrigley: Do you have a green salad?
Marge, the waitress: What the fuck color would it be?

Beautiful Day

Spring has finally bloomed here.

Wanted to give you an update on the underwear situation. If you recall, I had bought my four-year-old larger briefs in the hope that he would stop covertly removing them from his person and hiding them in odd places. Well, it didn’t work, so I went out and invested in very small boxer shorts. The success of that move has been limited. one night, my husband was putting him to bed, and the four-year-old said, “Dad, you should try not wearing underwear. It’s really comfy.” It’s so cool how he believes he is the pioneer of all.

One political note, and I will sign off: If I see one more picture of some idiot with red tape over his or her mouth and the word “LIFE” emblazoned across the tape, I’m going to have to take some.

MOVIE LINE OF THE DAY
(from Miller’s Crossing)
Eddie Dane: SHUT UP! Or maybe you still got too many teeth.

I need a DRIVE-THRU bagel….